Letting people down.

If there is one thing I hate the most it's letting people down.
Letting anyone down... They don't have to be my friends or family.
I just hate to feel like I've disappointed or upset someone by not sticking to my word or doing what is expected or asked of me.
Sometimes it can be out of my control... But I still feel bad.

When I let someone down I feel like they may no longer like me or will look at me differently. This scares me to no end.
I love my friends and I don't know what I would do without them, really... At times they are my support network, alongside my family of course.
They encourage me to go for things or to hang back on other things that could either get me into trouble or make me look like a complete knob.
What's a friend if they can't stop you looking like a knob every now and then?

Recently, I have let a few people down... Cancelling or changing plans id originally agreed to...
I'm not gunna lie, it makes me feel like a horrible person when I say I can't make things anymore or I have to put other things infront of people who mean the world to me.

I'm also aware that I am super weird and beat myself up way to much over things I can't help... Is that normal?
Normal? When am I ever normal?

Results are a big thing with me... I'm dyslexic so feel as though I have to work twice as hard as everyone else to achieve anything. Amazingly I have made it to university and have just finished my first year. Obviously finishing my first year means module and essay results and if I'm honest I'm not bothered if the are 40% or 99% as long as my parents are proud of me and I've done the best I can.
The last essay I got the mark back for was not the best and i was disapinoted in myself for not making myself someone to be proud of... But my parents were amazing and told me it didn't matter as long as I passed the year and was doing my bet whilst having fun.

That didn't stop me having a small pitty party for myself though... Resulting in panda eyes and the conclusion I must be stupid.

Soon after I was talking to one of my little cousins , aged 12 who said: 
This made me realise... Family are proud of you no matter what... They love you to the moon and back and will always stand by you!
It took at 12 year old telling me I was "awsme" to realise this... So I hope you know how "awsme" you are too.

Just me,
Em. X

The meaning of salad.

Now I love food.
Who doesn't? But today the pressure to keep in shape and look fit and healthy makes most girls eat like rabbits, sometimes for crazy amounts of time.
Although, I know it's not just girls... Guys are beginning to worry more and more about who has the biggest mussels and making sure they are as ripped as possible so that they can pull the best looking "rabbit girl" possible.
Ha. Rabbit girl!?
Is it bad that I laugh at my own jokes? Even when I don't say them out loud?
Hmmm... Probably.
Anyway, in my house if you buy nice food or something yummy and sweet to snack on, you can almost garentee that someone, more than likely my brother will eat it...
This results in all my yummy food being labeled clearly in black marker like this:

Yummmmmyyy, just looking at the picture makes me hungry...

This labelling often doesn't change the outcome and my food is still eaten, but at least then I can say, "well it had my name on it" and it often get repurchased for me in the way of an apology. 

Resently... Well the last week, I've turned into a "rabbit girl" although not out of choice. 

My mother thinks it's a good idea to "start eating healthily" and go on a "family diet" meaning that the snack cupboard is bare and all our meals end up like this: 

Now... I'm not really a fussy eater as long as it makes me feel full and doesn't taste to bad.
But what is the meaning of salad? Why does salad exist? And why the hell are we expected to eat salad with meat or cheese and potatoes or lentils instead of steak and chips or spaghetti?
I went out tonight... We had food... Nandos food infact. Now I've eaten pretty much nothing but "healthy" things like salad for the last four days and that nandos tasted even more heavenly than the last time.
So... To me that's the meaning of salad... To make you realise how amazing "real" food tastes and how  textures other than *crunch* and *smoosh* feel in your mouth.
Sad huh? Four days and I'm craving some sort of "bad" food!
Food is yummy, yummy is good. Soo... Eat what you like... Do what you want with your body and be whoever you want (obviously unless your an axe murder... Then just be a better version of you).

Just me,
Em. X

Social pressure.

In today's society we all face pressure, from peers, friends and even family to conform to the idea of "normal".
I ask you... What is normal?
Is normal waking up, applying a thick layer of makeup to hide the "true you" before being able to face the day? Is normal where imperfections and flaws are deemed unexceptable? Or is normal just an ideology?
I think that normal should be waking up and being content with who you are and the way you look... But we all know that never completely possible!
I always say that I don't care what people think of me... And I don't... With most things.
But I still wake up every morning and apply a mask (that we like to call make up).
Make up can be brilliant to hide behind...
I'm not one of those people who spend hours in front of the mirror every morning trying to get my make up perfect. Infact I'm pretty much opposite, I do my make up in bed... I don't even bother turning the light on!
Even though my make up skills fail me almost every day, I still feel a need to apply it before going anywhere, and my collection is growing!
It started of like this:

• Collection lasting perfection 16hour wear concealer- shade 1 fair
• Collection no clumps definition mascara- 17 ultra black

Now my daily make up collection has grown massively to include:

• Collection lasting perfection 16hour wear concealer- share 1 fair 
• Collection no clumps definition mascara- 17 ultra black
• Rimmel London STAY MATTE powder- 001 Transparent 
• Clinique true bronze pressed powder bronzed- 02 sunkissed 
• Bourjois Paris blush- 74 Rose Amber
• Estée Lauder pure colour eyeshadow- 10 ivory slipper, 54 pretty penny, 18 sepia sand 
• Benifit eye bright 
• Rimmel London glam eyes liner- black 
• Brushes: real techniques by Samantha chapman

I was always one of those people who didn't care about their appearance... I would wear joggers and hoodies everywhere, with my hair up and no make up. But somewhere along the line of growing up (booo growing up) I have become self conscious about my appearance.

If I was to give one piece of advice I would say...don't be so quick to judge, so many people judge others on their physical appearance, making more and more young adults feel they need to hide behind makeup and that they are "ugly" without it... After all what difference does it make if you have ten million spots or none at all if your a nice person?

Just me,
Em. X 

This is me.

This is me.
I'm a nineteen year old girl studying early childhood studies at university.
(Insert cheesy photo here)

Loving the braid and empty bottle there... Oh and what a brilliant face I'm pulling there too...

I want to make one thing clear this blog will have no real purpose and I will not be at all offended if no one ever reads this. 

I created this blog so that in years to come i can look back on how my life was, probably with a few cringes here and there and more than likely with a couple of regrets and chuckles at my ownstupidity. Not to mention I need something to keep me occupied now I've finished my first year at uni!

I've never been very good at writing, particularly academically. My spelling is awful (thank The Lord for spell check). This is probably because I'm dyslexic, so if anyone does actually ever read this or it's just me looking back I apologise for my spelling and gramma in advance. 

I wonder... If I'm reading this in years to come whether my spelling has improved and whether I am cringing right now as I read every last one of these stupid words. 

So I think we've established I'm me, you're you and maybe I'll write soon <3 

Just me, 

Em. x